Love is
vast, encompassing in most its passages. It goes beyond life and death, and
could wallow in pity, swell up on every emotional whim and drive. It will
thrive on hope, and then shatters when doubt propels it. Like night and day,
love could turn to hate, and the erstwhile good-natured mote of awesome
contentment dies off as if it were a novelty. In short, love has a life span…and
a delicate one at that.
I bet when you were
younger, you had a vision of love…a vision of how you wanted your love life to
turn out. Well, it is natural for us to wish for great things, and then pray to
God that they do come true. For starters, He puts the dreams and wishes in our
hearts. However, no matter what we finally do achieve, it would amount to
nothing if it were devoid of self-love, and that one solid essentialism; love
for others!
In this one aspect of
love, God’s plans for the union of marriage is a promise of a lifetime of love
and co-habitation between two people; a man and a woman. Well, that point is no
longer customary. Not anymore, it isn’t! The ties that bind a couple in today’s
marriage are not the vows. Vows are cheap and easily pronounced. The questions abound:
Is love enough to sustain a marriage? Would you rather you gave up your
happiness, even your life, just so the vows stayed unbroken, and you remained
in the union made in hell?
One thing that many
couples often do is fight.
And, what they do not do often
is pray! I am not recommending prayer as any kind of panacea for troubled
marriages. It is not clear if it helps at all. When couples do not talk to each
other; and when the rare gem that is communication finally happens, they shout
and scream at each other. Shouting has become a common household noise. The foundation of a family that stays
together is a family that prays together. Famous last words! Good tidings!
Words in an empty vessel tend to echo loudly, and have blast waves as
accompaniments. The prayer part must therefore go with forgiveness and
forgetting. It is the only way prayer works for the faithful and the generously
big hearted. Well, time has continued to prove that there is power in praying, but not lying to oneself about one’s
determination to make this near-sham of a marriage work, is the binding force.
Take that to the bank; it is hope and
longevity in your pocket…purse!
Do you ever imagine the kind of husband/wife you would
want your son/daughter to be married to? I bet it would be the
kind you had fashioned right after you had had your private moments with God.
Say it is so. I know it is so. Think about this: You want your child to have
the kind of blissful marriage you yourself had missed. Right? And you would prefer such great love affair for your child, even while you yourself are abusing someone else’s child
in your relationship. What type of humanity do you think you are propagating
in your children? Do you then think your children should forget the unhealthy relationship
they had lived under, and not try to emulate you? Well…monkey see, monkey do.
For those who gloat by oppressing and those that have submitted themselves to
wanton cruelty rather than vacate it…you are both nurturers of future cruelties
in family homes.
Many married couples have
forgotten how to love and appreciate each other; how to smile, and how to live!
They have no relationship with each other whatsoever. Not even feuding
roommates would trade places with these two!!! Some wear makeups including
smiles, to cover up their pain, shame and hopelessness. While others wear
misery like a hat, and would prefer to remain in the marriage, nothing short of
a paranormal visitation would force them to leave. One of the reasons many stay,
especially among the women folk, is the fear of being alone. Ironically, the
fear of getting killed by the men who had vowed to love and cherish them until
death did them part comes a distant second.
Remember this: The
marriage you are trying to save isn’t worth the paper you had signed to cherish
him/her. If this situation applies to you, you should change course. So, what
would you do if you knew death could visit you in your marriage, through the
hands of the one that was supposed to protect you? Would you run knowing it
would keep you alive? In every bad marriage situation, what doesn’t kill you, if you stayed, could put you on life support.
And that could be worse than death! Would you change the world starting with
yours, if you were given the power to do so? I bet you would! So, what’s
stopping you? Do not be the obstacle delaying your wellbeing. You have the
power to change your destiny. Everyone has a purpose in life! What’s yours? Be
the tie that binds you to everything good.
Now, here is a brief
situation that may apply to you or someone you know...
Boy meets girl. Sex probably
happens on the first or second date, even before they had the chance of knowing
each other. Now, they think they are in love or at least, so she thinks. As
soon as the bliss begins to wear off, the abuse starts; his fists rise and fall
on her as he would against a punching bag. If she is stupid, and nowhere near
livid by his actions, she would stay and prolong it. She would lie to herself
constantly, and to everyone around her. The beginning of this kind of
clumsiness would be her undoing.
In her heart, she assumes
or rather, believes he will change eventually. And if he were savvy and in
control, he would find the right time to pop the big question every girl wants
to hear. Of course, she says yes, bruises and all! A new chapter begins for the
two of them. A baby is born. Two or more children after that…the battering
would resurface; only it is meaner and packs a wallop. Years go by, and she is
still at the receiving end of his fists. The man has won, because he had
remained unchallenged. The children who see daddy treating mommy unashamedly
and how mommy succumbed to it, internalize the abuse as thing men do to women.
That is the evil that any spousal abuse begets.
One spring morning, he
finally kills her, in cold blood, in the presence of her children. The dead
don’t speak. They cannot tell the rest of the world their side of the fracas
that led to her demise. We know what becomes of this man. The question is; what
becomes of the children they left behind?
Unhealthy relationship is
toxic…always is. And those that find themselves in it are inadvertently thrust
into that quicksand you could never get out of known as death row. The hangman
would eventually stare you down. You may want to ask yourself why it is that
you have stayed married to this man/woman, given the odds against you. I have
never been one to grant any benefit of the doubt to a careening situation. Oh,
I know…it’s the kids, Stupid! That excuse comes up on the Richter scale all
right, but doesn’t wash up on sanity beach. Simply put, ‘Get out’. If you did
that, you would have nailed the puncher with your own right cross. Let him
reel, and careen and flail for some time, while you take that front row seat
you had paid for with good common sense, and watch him squirm and welter away.
Lend no hand…if you have to proffer a hand, throw another haymaker to floor
him. Yeah, thanks! Don’t you ever forget that your happiness and safety are
equally important as that of your children’s well-being.
From then on, the rest of
your life starts with the dawn of each new day. You have now chosen not to live
your life half asleep. You will no longer feel unfulfilled, confused and hopeless. The new lease on your life should
have great, fresh, encompassing, and compelling stories. Not the haggard, evil-lurking-behind-you-always
tales from the dark yarn. If this calls for a drink, call me over. I would like
a tall one; uncut, no chaser, that is. Remember, in the midst of every new challenge
hounding you, you possess the power to change directions, and then rewrite the
quotients that make your story a miserable tale.
